Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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