Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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