you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
