life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
