So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
