she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
