Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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