Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
