i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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