so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
