I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
