Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
