Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
