i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
