WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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