Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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