I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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