if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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