i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
