I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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