A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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