If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
