I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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