We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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