Redeem this text for a blowjob
Reggie can tackle my bush.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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