if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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