my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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