sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
