maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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