And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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