Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize