thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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