what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
