Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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