Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
