If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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