So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish there were birth control emojis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
