Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
