Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
