Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
