I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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