They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
