so that wasnt chicken after all
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
