So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize