How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
