whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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