you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
