so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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