Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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