Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
