do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
