I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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