she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
