i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
