my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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