i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
