You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
