Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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