and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
