Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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