so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
