i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
