My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
