Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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