You're completely useless in the revolution.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
