Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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