Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
