Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
