I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
