Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
