Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
