Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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