I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
