is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
