i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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