Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize