I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
try to milk me bitch
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