so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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