He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
