My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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