i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
handjob tips. give me some.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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