addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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