I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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