so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
do herpes really smell.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize