Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
