I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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