Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
