3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
