It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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