I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
