I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
